Perking Up

The Dip on the weekend has somewhat plateaued out, but at a much higher spot than in recent weeks. I spent the morning consolidating my study for uni and finally feel back on top of it for the first time in weeks. Circumstances have clouded my brain for the last month and a half and it seems it is clearing, I am lining things up.

Jumped on the bike to uni this morning and boy it was like I was breathing fire. The mid morning heat and sun really took it out of me. At one point I felt like throwing up and I never feel like that even after the toughest rugby training session or the most gruelling triathlon I have never thrown up. The price I have to pay for my sedentary lifestyle over the past year. It kills me that I am the shape I am in but all I can do s accept it and push myself to improve it. The clouds are dissipating, the fogginess is fading and the blurriness is sharpening. Alpha and Out!

The Predictable Dip

After a fired up Thursday afternoon things have began to fade again almost as soon as I went to sleep Thursday night. Slept in on Friday, drove in when I wanted to ride and despite getting a lot done at work I did waste a fair bit of the afternoon doing nothing really productive Friday afternoon I suppose but was still frustrating. Was also particularly lethargic all Friday. In the end it seemed that I was just tired. I ended up crashing at about 8pm while trying to watch the footy. Probaly a good thing though, as I would have seen my Broncos slaughtered in NZ and then kicked out of the Top Eight by a tough Rabbitohs win. However I woke up about 12pm and couldn't get to sleep again until 430am. One of my favourtie childhood movies was on and kept me up till about 2am. It was DareDevil with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. I guess I have always sympathised with the lead superhero of DareDevil- a man who was turned blind by toxic waste and then his other senses were increased to superhuman levels. I like the way he turns his loss into a massive positive by helping the weak and seeking out justice. Also it shows much more the inner turmoil the superhero is suffering because of his choices. I guess I related with that even more last night.

Saturday was spent mainly sleeping and getting over being up into the early hours of the morning. However by late afternoon, the embers were again beginning to splutter to life. I did by calculating where I am and where I need to be regarding my GPA for medicine. After that I got stuck into some great study.

I realize my blog has somewhat drifted away from my journey to a superfit body and this is due to my current circumstances which I hope to rectify soon. I still think blogging my mental processes is a valid component of going from Awkward too Alpha. Once you can get the mental side right, everything should fall in place quite easily. I am not there yet but definately back on the right track. Alpha and Out!

Aint Never Gonna Keep Me Down

After weeks and weeks of seemingly mopping around letting my situation get me down and down into depths of despair something has finally snapped. Snapped for the positive that is. One of the things that I really despise in people is victimisation. Everyone is out to get them, the world is against them and so on and so forth. What really frustrates me even more is that a majority of people complain and complain but don't do anything different to try and change their circumstances. Today I realised that I had become one of those people, I believed I had no hope, I believed that everyone was after me, I was mopping around. I think this really lit a fuse which blew up this afternoon. It relit my fire.

I believe I was put on this earth to help people. I believe that I was put here for something great. The times I am going through now and the past year or so has done nothing but proved that too me. The greatest people are born from the hardest, fieriest and cruelest of conditions- Martin Luther King Jr, Ghandi, Nelson Mandela and many more. What I have to do now is take this awakening as a turning point and feed this rekindling of the embers into a full raging inferno. Fire it Up, Alpha and Out!

The Booze Ban

After a good but boozy weekend with mates I feel I need to place myself on a booze ban until I get my life back in order. I usually have a down day after a big night but with my current state it has extended for almost two days now. From today I will not drink until I get my mind in a much better space or I will get into a continuos down loop.

All in all though besides the booze it really was a great weekend with mates. It was good to just muck around with them, forget my troubles for a bit. Hopefully soon I will turn this blog around into a much more positive space but I am writing this truthfully and positive is unfortuneatly just not me at the moment. But just got to believe that things will turn around. Alpha and Out!

Refocusing

Went through my week last night in an attempt to really organise my life to keep the focus. I have organised my study sessions, my work time and even my relax time. I have usually organised my study but have rarely tried to adapt that approach to the rest of my life. My big problem however has been having the discipline to stick to my elaborate planning. Today I did follow my plan fairly close so far so overall pretty happy. I even managed to get up early, not the exact time I was after but still a lot earlier than I have been lately and I finally started on the front foot.

Things are unfortunately getting to that stage where I won't be able to afford a gym. While this is an annoying setback it is not lethal. I will just regain focus on body weight exercises and running and cycling. Dietary wise I will also need to make some sacrifices as I will have to through any diet to the wind and just focus on reducing portion sizes instead. Things might be tough but where there is a will there is way. I will get through this. Alpha and Out!

Time for the Re's

After a week of distractions my mind and life has been floating around like the clouds in the sky I need to get the 3 Re-'s into force.

REFOCUS- I need to get everything organised into sections both in the physical sense of creating a schedule to fit all my commitments in and also in mental sense so I can "turn on/off" different aspects better and smoother.

RE-ENERGISE- I need to start bringing in things to keep me energised and focused such as the gym, catching up with mates. I really need to bring in things that provide fun and relaxation or I will break down.

RE-MOTIVATE- I need to really get back to my core beliefs and really flesh out what I want in life and how I intend to achieve. When I am motivated I feel confident, on top of the world and unstoppable. Unfortunately things have clouded my internal drive lately and I need to find something that really empowers me.

I will make this my focus for this week and see how I feel at the end of the week. Alpha and Out!

Rays of Light

After a couple of average weeks I can finally feel the warmth of the first rays of light break through the darkness. I had a long day of work on a Public holiday but it was very productive and has left me feeling a lot better then I was yesterday. Soon I will be able to focus on getting my health back on track

Diet was average today but not too worried, Same with exercise. This week my shit's on pause, until I can get my teeth into some hard-ass training. Still pumped for the coming weeks just gotta let it simmer this week.

(pic from http://www.wunderground.com/blog/saxxy/comment.html?entrynum=3)