The Booze Ban

After a good but boozy weekend with mates I feel I need to place myself on a booze ban until I get my life back in order. I usually have a down day after a big night but with my current state it has extended for almost two days now. From today I will not drink until I get my mind in a much better space or I will get into a continuos down loop.

All in all though besides the booze it really was a great weekend with mates. It was good to just muck around with them, forget my troubles for a bit. Hopefully soon I will turn this blog around into a much more positive space but I am writing this truthfully and positive is unfortuneatly just not me at the moment. But just got to believe that things will turn around. Alpha and Out!

Refocusing

Went through my week last night in an attempt to really organise my life to keep the focus. I have organised my study sessions, my work time and even my relax time. I have usually organised my study but have rarely tried to adapt that approach to the rest of my life. My big problem however has been having the discipline to stick to my elaborate planning. Today I did follow my plan fairly close so far so overall pretty happy. I even managed to get up early, not the exact time I was after but still a lot earlier than I have been lately and I finally started on the front foot.

Things are unfortunately getting to that stage where I won't be able to afford a gym. While this is an annoying setback it is not lethal. I will just regain focus on body weight exercises and running and cycling. Dietary wise I will also need to make some sacrifices as I will have to through any diet to the wind and just focus on reducing portion sizes instead. Things might be tough but where there is a will there is way. I will get through this. Alpha and Out!

Time for the Re's

After a week of distractions my mind and life has been floating around like the clouds in the sky I need to get the 3 Re-'s into force.

REFOCUS- I need to get everything organised into sections both in the physical sense of creating a schedule to fit all my commitments in and also in mental sense so I can "turn on/off" different aspects better and smoother.

RE-ENERGISE- I need to start bringing in things to keep me energised and focused such as the gym, catching up with mates. I really need to bring in things that provide fun and relaxation or I will break down.

RE-MOTIVATE- I need to really get back to my core beliefs and really flesh out what I want in life and how I intend to achieve. When I am motivated I feel confident, on top of the world and unstoppable. Unfortunately things have clouded my internal drive lately and I need to find something that really empowers me.

I will make this my focus for this week and see how I feel at the end of the week. Alpha and Out!

Rays of Light

After a couple of average weeks I can finally feel the warmth of the first rays of light break through the darkness. I had a long day of work on a Public holiday but it was very productive and has left me feeling a lot better then I was yesterday. Soon I will be able to focus on getting my health back on track

Diet was average today but not too worried, Same with exercise. This week my shit's on pause, until I can get my teeth into some hard-ass training. Still pumped for the coming weeks just gotta let it simmer this week.

(pic from http://www.wunderground.com/blog/saxxy/comment.html?entrynum=3)

Weight of the World

This afternoon a number of factors seemed to crash at an intersection and really drag me down. Not just drag but weigh me down. It is very frustrating too particularly because there is little I can do in the near future to help shed or even reorganise the weight. However it is all because of the choices I made and I have to take charge of that and accept responsibility.

I can however try to focus on things within my control to insure the netting supporting the weight is strong and helps sustain the weight. This involves diet and exercise. Also trying to fix my sleep patterns would help too. The "Crash" was mainly set up by poor diet and lack of sleep which unfortunately I am repeating tonight. Tomorrow while I can't fix my sleep for tonight I will try to have my diet in better shape. Tomorrow is a new day and happiness is just around the corner. Alpha and Out!

Pumping it Out!

Have just returned from a gym/bike ride. For the first time I got off my backside and rode to the gym instead of car-ing it. Sounds like a reasonable idea no doubt. Except when I mention I set off at 9pm and didn't return until 11pm with a threatening of rain. Still was really good work up for the gym and work down afterwards. Hopefully I can continue this cycling trend tomorrow morning to and from work. The 50min return bike ride allowed me to focus more on pumping weights, which I find a lot more enjoyable. Tonight was upper body. From now on I am going back to basics. The first time I used gym to lose weight was in 2007 while attempting to build myself back up from a shoulder reconstruction to play rugby. There I got to the gym in the mornings, alternated between upper and lower body. While it probaly helped that I was doing intense First XV training 3 days a week and cricket/ cross country 5 days a week later in the year, it is still something that will continue to motivate me and give me a break from cardio, cardio, cardio.

Diet today was again iffy, missed brekky, had a good sized lunch and a decent sized dinner but still room to improve. Hopefully monetary constraints will be relaxed in the near future and I will be able to supply my diet that I want to follow i.e. high protein but I got to do the best I can until that date. Overall feeling very good in the world at the moment. Alpha and Out!

(picture from http://www.bennadel.com/resources/uploads/arnold_schwarzenegger_in_pumping_iron.jpg)

Harder,Faster,Stronger

Again the dark of night strangles out the light of day but the flame within burns bright. Another quiet, sleep all day, nothing but TV and eating and sleeping. Not too concerned as I seem to be getting into a more productive state with each night, unfortunately the fire dies to embers with the rise of the sun. This is something I need to address but something that I can work around. I can schedule my study late at night or early in morning. I can aim to train late at night. Not great as I have to work during the day but perhaps as I get a pattern things will continue to build and improve.

While my weight has unfortunately returned to around 95-96kgs I feel in a much better place in striving for my goal. I feel I have let myself believe that I am great whom I am whether at 80kgs, 95kgs or 130kgs. I am great now but I believe that I can become greater and strive for the heights that I have been destined to achieve. I feel a real burning in my heart that I was born for greatness and I truly believe I am truly moving forward rather than stagnating. I want to be stronger, I want to be faster I want to train harder, stud harder, live life harder. Alpha and Out!