Perking Up

The Dip on the weekend has somewhat plateaued out, but at a much higher spot than in recent weeks. I spent the morning consolidating my study for uni and finally feel back on top of it for the first time in weeks. Circumstances have clouded my brain for the last month and a half and it seems it is clearing, I am lining things up.

Jumped on the bike to uni this morning and boy it was like I was breathing fire. The mid morning heat and sun really took it out of me. At one point I felt like throwing up and I never feel like that even after the toughest rugby training session or the most gruelling triathlon I have never thrown up. The price I have to pay for my sedentary lifestyle over the past year. It kills me that I am the shape I am in but all I can do s accept it and push myself to improve it. The clouds are dissipating, the fogginess is fading and the blurriness is sharpening. Alpha and Out!

The Predictable Dip

After a fired up Thursday afternoon things have began to fade again almost as soon as I went to sleep Thursday night. Slept in on Friday, drove in when I wanted to ride and despite getting a lot done at work I did waste a fair bit of the afternoon doing nothing really productive Friday afternoon I suppose but was still frustrating. Was also particularly lethargic all Friday. In the end it seemed that I was just tired. I ended up crashing at about 8pm while trying to watch the footy. Probaly a good thing though, as I would have seen my Broncos slaughtered in NZ and then kicked out of the Top Eight by a tough Rabbitohs win. However I woke up about 12pm and couldn't get to sleep again until 430am. One of my favourtie childhood movies was on and kept me up till about 2am. It was DareDevil with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. I guess I have always sympathised with the lead superhero of DareDevil- a man who was turned blind by toxic waste and then his other senses were increased to superhuman levels. I like the way he turns his loss into a massive positive by helping the weak and seeking out justice. Also it shows much more the inner turmoil the superhero is suffering because of his choices. I guess I related with that even more last night.

Saturday was spent mainly sleeping and getting over being up into the early hours of the morning. However by late afternoon, the embers were again beginning to splutter to life. I did by calculating where I am and where I need to be regarding my GPA for medicine. After that I got stuck into some great study.

I realize my blog has somewhat drifted away from my journey to a superfit body and this is due to my current circumstances which I hope to rectify soon. I still think blogging my mental processes is a valid component of going from Awkward too Alpha. Once you can get the mental side right, everything should fall in place quite easily. I am not there yet but definately back on the right track. Alpha and Out!

Aint Never Gonna Keep Me Down

After weeks and weeks of seemingly mopping around letting my situation get me down and down into depths of despair something has finally snapped. Snapped for the positive that is. One of the things that I really despise in people is victimisation. Everyone is out to get them, the world is against them and so on and so forth. What really frustrates me even more is that a majority of people complain and complain but don't do anything different to try and change their circumstances. Today I realised that I had become one of those people, I believed I had no hope, I believed that everyone was after me, I was mopping around. I think this really lit a fuse which blew up this afternoon. It relit my fire.

I believe I was put on this earth to help people. I believe that I was put here for something great. The times I am going through now and the past year or so has done nothing but proved that too me. The greatest people are born from the hardest, fieriest and cruelest of conditions- Martin Luther King Jr, Ghandi, Nelson Mandela and many more. What I have to do now is take this awakening as a turning point and feed this rekindling of the embers into a full raging inferno. Fire it Up, Alpha and Out!

The Booze Ban

After a good but boozy weekend with mates I feel I need to place myself on a booze ban until I get my life back in order. I usually have a down day after a big night but with my current state it has extended for almost two days now. From today I will not drink until I get my mind in a much better space or I will get into a continuos down loop.

All in all though besides the booze it really was a great weekend with mates. It was good to just muck around with them, forget my troubles for a bit. Hopefully soon I will turn this blog around into a much more positive space but I am writing this truthfully and positive is unfortuneatly just not me at the moment. But just got to believe that things will turn around. Alpha and Out!

Refocusing

Went through my week last night in an attempt to really organise my life to keep the focus. I have organised my study sessions, my work time and even my relax time. I have usually organised my study but have rarely tried to adapt that approach to the rest of my life. My big problem however has been having the discipline to stick to my elaborate planning. Today I did follow my plan fairly close so far so overall pretty happy. I even managed to get up early, not the exact time I was after but still a lot earlier than I have been lately and I finally started on the front foot.

Things are unfortunately getting to that stage where I won't be able to afford a gym. While this is an annoying setback it is not lethal. I will just regain focus on body weight exercises and running and cycling. Dietary wise I will also need to make some sacrifices as I will have to through any diet to the wind and just focus on reducing portion sizes instead. Things might be tough but where there is a will there is way. I will get through this. Alpha and Out!

Time for the Re's

After a week of distractions my mind and life has been floating around like the clouds in the sky I need to get the 3 Re-'s into force.

REFOCUS- I need to get everything organised into sections both in the physical sense of creating a schedule to fit all my commitments in and also in mental sense so I can "turn on/off" different aspects better and smoother.

RE-ENERGISE- I need to start bringing in things to keep me energised and focused such as the gym, catching up with mates. I really need to bring in things that provide fun and relaxation or I will break down.

RE-MOTIVATE- I need to really get back to my core beliefs and really flesh out what I want in life and how I intend to achieve. When I am motivated I feel confident, on top of the world and unstoppable. Unfortunately things have clouded my internal drive lately and I need to find something that really empowers me.

I will make this my focus for this week and see how I feel at the end of the week. Alpha and Out!

Rays of Light

After a couple of average weeks I can finally feel the warmth of the first rays of light break through the darkness. I had a long day of work on a Public holiday but it was very productive and has left me feeling a lot better then I was yesterday. Soon I will be able to focus on getting my health back on track

Diet was average today but not too worried, Same with exercise. This week my shit's on pause, until I can get my teeth into some hard-ass training. Still pumped for the coming weeks just gotta let it simmer this week.

(pic from http://www.wunderground.com/blog/saxxy/comment.html?entrynum=3)

Weight of the World

This afternoon a number of factors seemed to crash at an intersection and really drag me down. Not just drag but weigh me down. It is very frustrating too particularly because there is little I can do in the near future to help shed or even reorganise the weight. However it is all because of the choices I made and I have to take charge of that and accept responsibility.

I can however try to focus on things within my control to insure the netting supporting the weight is strong and helps sustain the weight. This involves diet and exercise. Also trying to fix my sleep patterns would help too. The "Crash" was mainly set up by poor diet and lack of sleep which unfortunately I am repeating tonight. Tomorrow while I can't fix my sleep for tonight I will try to have my diet in better shape. Tomorrow is a new day and happiness is just around the corner. Alpha and Out!

Pumping it Out!

Have just returned from a gym/bike ride. For the first time I got off my backside and rode to the gym instead of car-ing it. Sounds like a reasonable idea no doubt. Except when I mention I set off at 9pm and didn't return until 11pm with a threatening of rain. Still was really good work up for the gym and work down afterwards. Hopefully I can continue this cycling trend tomorrow morning to and from work. The 50min return bike ride allowed me to focus more on pumping weights, which I find a lot more enjoyable. Tonight was upper body. From now on I am going back to basics. The first time I used gym to lose weight was in 2007 while attempting to build myself back up from a shoulder reconstruction to play rugby. There I got to the gym in the mornings, alternated between upper and lower body. While it probaly helped that I was doing intense First XV training 3 days a week and cricket/ cross country 5 days a week later in the year, it is still something that will continue to motivate me and give me a break from cardio, cardio, cardio.

Diet today was again iffy, missed brekky, had a good sized lunch and a decent sized dinner but still room to improve. Hopefully monetary constraints will be relaxed in the near future and I will be able to supply my diet that I want to follow i.e. high protein but I got to do the best I can until that date. Overall feeling very good in the world at the moment. Alpha and Out!

(picture from http://www.bennadel.com/resources/uploads/arnold_schwarzenegger_in_pumping_iron.jpg)

Harder,Faster,Stronger

Again the dark of night strangles out the light of day but the flame within burns bright. Another quiet, sleep all day, nothing but TV and eating and sleeping. Not too concerned as I seem to be getting into a more productive state with each night, unfortunately the fire dies to embers with the rise of the sun. This is something I need to address but something that I can work around. I can schedule my study late at night or early in morning. I can aim to train late at night. Not great as I have to work during the day but perhaps as I get a pattern things will continue to build and improve.

While my weight has unfortunately returned to around 95-96kgs I feel in a much better place in striving for my goal. I feel I have let myself believe that I am great whom I am whether at 80kgs, 95kgs or 130kgs. I am great now but I believe that I can become greater and strive for the heights that I have been destined to achieve. I feel a real burning in my heart that I was born for greatness and I truly believe I am truly moving forward rather than stagnating. I want to be stronger, I want to be faster I want to train harder, stud harder, live life harder. Alpha and Out!

Overcome but Flames are Burning

Not a great end to the week. Missed lecture, felt like crap most of the day and now struggling with a pounding headache. Adding to that I didn't do any study last night or tonight and missed the gym. I spent today in bed trying to feel better but I think this will keep me up all night and is one of the reasons of my headache.

I hope to pull out of this difficult period and hit the ground running. Despite all the drama, I feel the fire burning bright- I want to work harder, I wanter to study smarter, I want to train harder, I want to do better. It is weird that I get this motivation at the most un-useful times usually before trying to sleep late at night. And unfortunately when I wake up, it has just about all gone. Another thing t think out and work around. Despite the day pumped and empowered. Alpha and Out!

Midweek Plateau

After an excellent start to the week I agin have succumbed to the dreaded mid week plateau. While things have not dived to the depths it is floating in the waves instead of soaring the skies. I still feel good, fresh and active but just not with the same potency as at the start of the week. I have not made it to the gym yet this week and I think that is playing on my mind. However I plan to rectify that tonight by riding in and catching a gym sesh with my brother. Now I plan to get a decent study session in before jumping on the bike.

My thoughts at the end of a mental rebound week (after the turmoil of last week) turn to breaking the weekend pattern of sleeping and eating all day. I've tried planning, saying I can sleep in if I get out etc etc but nothing has seemed to pull me out for more than a weekend. I need to have a regular Saturday activity that I have to be there and also I want to be there. Something like rock climbing or some group activity. I will put some though into it over the weekend and see what I can organise. Alpha and Out!

Leaps and Bounds

Today continued my positive steps toward the Alpha. I jumped on the bike after a sleep in to be greeted by a very cold and windy morning. Being my first bike ride in ages and the low temps really took a toll on my lungs. It felt like ice was expanding in the lungs severely reducing my breathing capacity during the bike and also for the remainder of the day. Both rides to work and back were really tough but that will get better if I keep it up.

Having no real dramas at work really helped my mood and motivation and while I didn't get my hours done today I will make up for it tomorrow. Another university lecture today went as per normal with the content fairly straight forward bar one or two concepts. And tonight I plowed through a very productive study session.

My plan to go the the gym was thwarted by the prolonged study session and the fact that I have been struggling with an unsettled stomach. I had hiccups all day on or off. Diet was average today with a big brekky and big late lunch but the cycling offset too many dramas. All up and upper, Alpha and Out!

(pic from http://www.brayersfarm.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/wet-lung.jpg)

On the Up!

The good life is flooding back into my body. Although I slept in this morning I didn't feel too bad because I was up late and it was a pretty cold morning. Things are starting to resettle or be rectified at work. Things seem to be falling into place again.

Uni was good today, the big session I put in last night really helped me get back in the "study zone". My diet was alright today. I am trying a weight-loss supplement derived from acai berry, green tea and caffeine. It is quite potent, the couple of days I have taken them I don't feel hungry at all to the point that I forget to eat. This results in amid-arvo crash. However I have changed my pattern from two in the morning to one in the morning and one at night which seems to work much better and avoids the crash. After weeks of no exercise I intend to restart tonight with a big gym session, gotta get pumping again. Alpha and Out!

Organisation: The Comeback

A much improved day today in the River city. After a decent sleep in/relax in watching a Clint Eastwood western I jumped up had breakfast with Dad discussing the weeks events and getting some planning together. I then got home and went through my "Organisational Hour" which I intend to do every Sunday so that I can hit the ground running on Monday. It involves me sitting down marking my week-lectures, pracs, work, study sessions and other events. I cranked this out then went to the big Broncos v Dragons rugby league match with my Grandma. A really hard fought defensive game but the Broncs came up trumps thanks to a great team effort. It really stamped them as possible preimers.

After a simple but still nice family dinner I relaxed in front of the TV for a bit before getting stuck into some study. It feels really good to have planned something and then hitting the target in terms of finishing what I get done, I suppose its because it is hitting little goals which all add up. Well on the mend and keen for a massive week, Alpha and Out!

(pic from http://www.zimbio.com/pictures/KbuItRUTLGT/NRL+Semi+Final+2+Broncos+v+Dragons/A13LrRPmi3K/Jharal+Yow+Yeh)