And SNAP!

The momentumhas crashed and burned at least for a night. Last night descended into mindless TV, heaps of cold pasta, a bottle of soft drink and some bolognese sauce. How did all the progress and momentum come unstuck? Good question. I returned home just before dinner, had dinner, not feeling too tired or down. As 6pm-7pm is my relaxation hour I decided to lie down and watch half an hour of TV. That 30 mins soon mutated into 1hr then 1.5 hours and then a all-nighter was on. How did it mutate? Not quite sure but I think as usual it was my mind throwing up excuses like "Come on you love that show, you can't miss that" and then "Lets just continuing watching TV if you can't sleep you'll be able to study then". My mind was very good at staying comfortable in bed, without the lights on while letting it relax. Accompanying this I got a craving to snack while watching the soul sucker and my mind gave with more roadblocks and excuses. Based on that analysis I think to avoid such situations I really do need to be out of the house between the danger hours of 6:30pm-9:00pm at least until I can avoid the excuses through strength of will.

Yesterday went well until the night. I had another good diet day. I slept in but managed to reschedule things so it didn't affect to much on. I prepared well for my prac, did some job searching then walked to Uni getting drenched from rain in the process. A successful prac I returned home positive, a little tired but nothing over the top and then all hell broke loose. But oh well this is why it is a journey and not a day-trip. Live and learn, Alpha and Out!

Traning Diary Food Diary

The Happiness Contines...

But the tiredness kicks in. After a monster couple of days I am absolutely buggered, something I need to take into consideration for tomorrow's planning. Everything continued to fall into place today as per Monday. Diet was near perfect, had a good time exercising on the bike to Oztag, played well in Oztag then came home.

I really do think having something on in the night that forces me to plan my day around definitely helps me go through the day without getting bogged down in negativity or lethargy. Time for some sleep and recovery.

The Monday Happiness

Ah yes, while most struggle with the Monday blues I strive through my most productive day of the week and yes today was no different. Decent exercise session, solid food consumption, good study and job searching. All boxes ticked and achieved. The cycle to Oztag had a slight hiccup. That of a punctured tire but a spare and 10 minutes later I was back rocking on the bike.

I used Sunday to catch up on some rest and just relax after a full on but positive Saturday. My weight goal for this week is to finally reach 92 kgs or better. A big ask? Maybe but I feel I have turned over to another chapter and am all revved up to go. Having Oztag again tomorrow will help me avoid my Tuesday TV binge which seems to be the start point of the decline in every week. Even without Oztag I had planned to ride into Uni, I just need to be totally away from the tempting TV for that 6:30pm - 10:00pm period, which sucks me in and then keeps me up for the remainder of the night. A good day following my plan looking forward to tomorrow to continue on this journey with renewed vigour, Alpha and Out!

Drained..Time to Replenish

Wow, had a massive day at GAMSAT testing (this is exam for entry into a medicine course) then topped it off with a dinner for a mates birthday. Now I didn't have the ideal mindset or build-up for GAMSAT. Quite the opposite in fact, a week of poor sleeping habits, poor diet and no study. On top of that my mental state was swirling down the drain. However my mindset was positive and I said to myself that I will use this day as a starting point to rejoin the journey, use GAMSAT to completely drain me of the negative energy and use it as motivation to improve. So let's get this thing rebooted, Alpha and Out!

The Defining Moments - The Moments of Weakness

The defining moments of life sadly, the defining moments occur when you are weakest, when the darkness takes hold and you reside in the muck of the depths. This is not meant to be a doom 'n' gloom post however it is the position I found myself in on Tuesday night. In the blink of an eye I had downed a dinner of about 1300 cals. Then in the next blink I had sat myself in front of the TV and was absorbed until 2:00am. This resulted in a poor Wednesday with a big sleep in and poor nutrition.

Well, now that I've got the doom and gloom out of the way, those weak moments are also moments of clarity and susceptibility to inspiration. My inspiration exploded out of the sea of commercial TV while surfing the waves of its trash. It was a documentary of my hero Martin Luther King Jr. Unfortunately it was a documentary of his final hours as his life was ripped out of existence by an insane lunatic. However just hearing him speak in his lustrous, powerful voice was enough to inspire me from my depths, at least temporarily. It has lead me to download some of his speeches and incorporate it some how into my day in form of a alarm clock to wake up to or simply a soundtrack to pump me up in a precaution before the weak moments. Gotta a lotta work to get me back on track, lets get down to it, Alpha and Out!

Come On Tuesday, Hold! Hold!

So far so good phew. I recovered from a poor end to the week yesterday with a rampaging day however I usually bottom out the following day, the Tuesday. However so far everything has gone to plan well. I got up when planned, did my dog walk and then 30 min body weight workout with some skipping afterwards, then topped it off with so far perfect nutrition. Damn I'm getting good at this stuff.

And this is all despite having as little as 3 hours proper sleep and a maximum of about 5 hours. I tried to go to sleep last night at 9:30pm. Ran a little late due to study but I can live with that. Jumped into bed and red for about an hour, not too tired but I gave it a shot and turned off the light. A restless 30 minutes went by and I grabbed my computer and researched getting to sleep (usually I am researching how to wake up in the morning, how the tables have turned). Finishing that I put down the computer and attempted to run some imagination and visualisation techniques the web suggested. To no avail! I then read for another hour, still not so much as an eye flutter. Eventually I went to my go to guy, Movies/ TV. This whole drama could've been avoided if I went there to start with but I am trying to reduce this dependence on screens to put me to sleep. However I think I just need to utilise it more appropriately. For example confine the TV watching to movies as commercial television keeps me awake longer and I usually am up late watching trash. Oh well it is a good sign I have not let the sleep issue disrupt my day and week, in the past it would completely rolled me over. Alpha and Out!

Dangle those Carrots

While reading the book, The Game by Neil Strauss about Neil's experience's in the pick-up artist community a off the cuff comment by one of the people in the book really caught my eye and captured my imagination. After this person recovered from a breakdown he came out with life goals set and used the phrase "I've got the right carrots dangling". These carrots were his goals in life dangling in front of him ready to be grabbed and eaten. This has allowed me to attempt to gain focus again and rework or restate my most important goals. This process always seems to get my motivation burning and my head in a good state. After another slow, bed-ridden weekend, I was definitely in need of a couple of carrots to dangle. I will put my important goals in the side bar in the near future.

Today with those carrots dangling away I made some head way. Got out of bed albeit after a sleep-in, did some goal setting, job searching and exercise with my Oztag bike ride still to come. I even did some GAMSAT study such was I fired up. Along with this for the first half of the day I did my only liquids and fruit diet to prepare my body to resume the low cal diet that I had blown out of the water over the weekend. Keep those Carrots dangling, Alpha and Out!

(Pic from http://www.mysahana.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/carrots.jpg)

Unintentional Exercise

Waking up Saturday morning after a dodgy weight loss end to the week, I jumped on the scalls to reveal a loss of more than kilo from last weigh-in. I was pleasantly surprised. In my head I had had a couple of binges and little to no exercise. But after really thinking about it the binges were balanced out by little consumption for the remainder of the day and the exercise level was maintained by unintentional exercise such as walking. Carefully examining yesterday revealed I walked for probably 3 hours.

This clearly shows the power of mind to distort your true progress and push your progress further back. I experimented this week without daily weigh-ins before the "official" Sunday weigh-in. I did this after noticing when I put on weight overnight, due largely to water retention or similar as opposed to weight gain, I would make this a self fulfilling prophecy and it would wreck the days and often the weeks weight-loss goal. However it became quite the opposite, when I lost my constant track of progress, my mind wandered away from my goals and I lost focus completely often leading to binges and inactivity. So bring back the weigh-in's and resume the journey, Alpha and Out!

Food: The Cause of and Solution to All of Life's Problems

Well not quite the exact cause but this classic Simpsons quote from Homer epitomises the psychological connections that I have formed in the past 2 and a bit years. I use food for everything, every situation, good or bad. For example I was offered a trial shift at the Coffee Club, my first potential job in years. Something good right - What did I do you ask? I went home and punished my body, gorging on a range of bits and pieces. I was able to control myself for the remainder of the day. Once again I fully believe that once I have a job, can join a gym and settle into stability I will be able to combat and win by breaking these attachments and behaviours with my food. Alpha and Out!

(pic from http://i.treehugger.com/files/th_images/homerbeer.jpg)

Day of the Living Dead.

Or at least dead-tired living. Unable to sleep last night for some reason, tried several methods of sleep - TV, reading and attempting to drift of with nothing. But I simply couldn't. To make matters worse I had to get up for an early start to get stuck into an assignment as well as exercising and getting ready before Uni. The walk into Uni delayed the inevitable but once I was sitting in my lecture, the head began to bow and the eyes drew to a close, no good at all, means more work later.

Despite the tiredness enveloping me the day has gone well on a diet and exercise right. Good breakfast and snack as well as the first morning session of body weight and skipping. Lets move on to the next one after catching a lot of zzzzz's tonight, Alpha and Out!

On to the Next One

Ok so my plan to reach 92kgs by Sunday backfired on em big time and while I got as low as 93.3kgs by the time Sunday had rolled around I was back to 94.5kg where I started. This is due to a combination of stress, negativity soaking my brain and relative inactivity. Based on last week I believe it is time to begin Phase 3 of Operation Alpha - Exercise That Shit.

(Operation Alpha: Phase 1 = Japanese Style

Phase 2 = Keep it Light, Keep it Tight

Phase 3 = Exercise That Shit

Phase 4 = Tri, Tri Again

Phase 5 = The Perfection Convention)

I believe that Phase 2, consisting of light exercise, generally walking, with a focus on dieting has reached its peak potential with me. Deep down I am an athlete, I need to exercise, I thrive when exercising. While I am not throwing diet away completely the primary focus has moved towards getting exercise while maintaining a restricted diet. Let's see how I get this Phase rocking.

This weeks goal will be the same as last week, Reach 92kgs or less by Sunday weigh-in. With the phase-change I certainly believe it to be. Finally the picture accompanying this entry was recently shown to me by a friend. It is essentially what I am going for as the result of Operation Alpha, that sort of oozing confidence as well as steeled physique. It will remain my desktop background until the completion of Operation Alpha. Alpha and Out!

Speaking of Waves...

Just want to send my support and condolences to the people of Japan as they cope with that massive Earthquake and tsunami. Having just been in the country and having my Mum still in the country it really hit me. I knew Mum would be fine as she is tucked away from the epicentre and tsunami but still it still hit home.

On the home front, the trough of Thursday continued to decline over Friday. Not sure why just seemed to be very flat, unmotivated. Not sure if I was tired or just thinking things over or I don't know. Similar feeling today but will have to pull out in the near future as I have things to do jobs to apply for and study to complete. Alpha and Out!

(pic from http://www.rickey.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Japan-Tsunami-Earthquake-Video-Pictures-Live-Stream-01-2011-03-11.jpg)

Ridin' the Waves

After a down in dumps Tuesday afternoon, waking up with a cold, Wednesday was looking on the same track. However after a sleep - in and general quiet morning to try and neutralise the cold I jumped out of bed and was driven out of the trough that was yesterday. I got into Uni attended lecture which I stayed alert for then moved onto the Anatomy Prac. This was my big boost for the day - my first cadaver dissection. Ok, need the back story for why dissecting a cadaver could be so rewarding, I hope so. The Back Story: the past 3 years I have been doing a degree to qualify for medicine which I then hope to turn towards surgery. Make sense now, ok. Anyway finally getting into a prac that is useful for my dream was gold and finding myself really enjoying it. I returned home elated, had a healthy dinner then some study and finally a bit of TV to cap it off.

After reaching the crest on Wednesday, Thursday started of fine enough- attended Uni, stayed awake but not necessarily alert, caught up with a mate then came home for a snooze. However pangs of the last year corrupted my mind and a great boil of anger rushed over me, leaving me tired, unmotivated and broody. It is funny how fast you attitude can change when a trigger is pushed. Anyway that brought me down I had my first real binge since returning from Tokyo but managed to avoid the night time snacking which was the positive and in the end weigh-in this morning had a neutral result nothing gained or lost. Sliding down the face towards the dark trough so hopefully another crest is not to far way. Alpha and Out

As I Walk Through the Valley in the Shadow of Death

I walked along the solemn road home from the Shopping centre. My mind pulsed with negativity, it had been one of those days. The days when everything goes right except in that little space between the ears and boy does that little space tell you when its not happy. Stress peaked, tiredness peaked, hunger peaked, negativity peaked. Hell it was all off the charts. A massive binge combined with a night of TV beckoned. However I opened the door and it all dissolved.

For some reason simply reaching home broke my trance. Simply the act of coming home, chucking my bag on my bed and going up for dinner completely cured me. I even had a well sized portion of my Grandmothers beautiful chicken curry and dahl. Mere weeks ago I would've smashed 2 massive plates of the stuff on a day like this. But something in those 2 minutes cured me of all my mental demons, it was miraculous! I was sucked in again to another long night in front of the TV however I managed to avoid the snacking that usually comes attached and still managed to lose 750g yesterday. I did however wake up with the onset stages of a cold so I am taking it easy this morning to nip it in the bud before anything could blossom into a full on cold or flu. A great rebound unheard of in this journey, I have made it to another landmark in the journey to the Alphadom. Boo Yah, Alpha and Out!

Whoa, Don't Celebrate Too Hard

After finally reaching my weekly goal of getting below 95kg I allowed my self to have my cheat meal, specifically curry for breakfast and a nice big serve too. The cheat meal works on the principle that you allow yourself one meal a week where diet doesn't apply to make sure you get a fix of your cravings without absolutely binging. That sounds great hey but unfortunately my "cheat" meal turned into a "cheat day" where I consumed probably like 3000 cals and put on 500g of body weight. No point dwelling on it I will just be more careful next time.

Having said that, I had another massive Monday. Half day at home studying, then a 2 hour lecture then off to Oztag. Not so big you say, well my mode of transport was bike and overall I clocked up just under 2 hours of cycling at a decent place plus a 20min warm down. On top of this I had one of my better games of Oztag. I had some minor cramping issues but spinning on the ride back (spinning is high cadence, low gear to increase blood flow and help remove waste faster) stopped that. I had dinner and then crashed absolutely crashed again leaving my nightly study etc undone. I woke up this morning after a tiny 45 min sleep-in and weighed myself, 94.05kg, I had lost a kilo yesterday taking care of the "cheat meal" to "cheat day" Sunday. All Good in the Alpha hood, Alpha and Out!

Great Success!

Finally a weekly goal is accomplished. The Goal: Get to under 95kgs by weigh-in Sunday. The Result: 94.55kg a weekly loss of 1.45 kgs. So far my plan of simply restricting calories over 5 or 6 meals with any light exercise I can fit in is working. This week I was aiming for about 1500 calories a day and planned to get my exercise primarily from walking. Most days I was around the 1500 with all days definitely under 2000. Good exercise days on Monday and Tuesday with rain and my attitude disrupting the remainder of week.

This week I intend to accelerate this loss by sticking to me diet aims of 1500 calories but increasing time exercising with gym sessions, bike rides and more walking , hopefully weather permitting. And so here it is;

The Goal - Weigh 92.00 kg or under by next Sunday weigh-in

The Stats - Lose 2.55kg+; 9817.55calorie difference;1402. 50 difference per day

A big goal yes but with refining my diet and increasing my exercise certainly an obtainable goal.

Heading in The Right Direction

Despite another "while watching TV late at night" binge I still woke up this morning having lost some weight, drawing my self closer and closer to my end of week goal of 95kg or less. Only 600 grams to go. Again attempting to isolate my triggers for such an event, it is hard to do. I think the big one is still being awake long after dinner, relaxing and having one, say can of softdrink. This does more bad than good, leading to cravings, which in my tired yet awake state I am not able to repel. I think the route cause comes back to the TV, specifically watching late at night. This is made worse by not doing my required study or job search or anything.

Today I will aim to avoid the late night snacking by going to the gym tonight and actually going (I had meant to go yesterday). This in the past seemed to tire me and relax me and I would return home and collapse. I also have a pretty relaxed day with a session with my Life Coach and then a 2 hour lecture Friday arvo. Let's put it all together and grab this 95kg, Alpha and Out!

Tainted

Yesterday started off well, finished well but on the way to podium there was a slip up which left the whole day tainted to some extent. It all began with a 6am wake up feeling good. A walk in the sun to get my exercise and also my transport to Uni improved my mood even more. Following my diet plan for the day including ordering healthy at Subway when catching up with mates then returning to Uni to finish the day's lectures. A great majority of the day right.

It began to slowly unwind from the end of the final lecture onwards. The walk home was not quite as relaxing as it was on the way in. I became tiresome and hungry in the last stages. This lead me to return home and slam down dinner fast. I then went down and crashed on the bed leaving all my Uni and GAMSAT work untouched. This was followed by the icing on the cake of soft drink and a nibble on the leftovers from dinner. I tried to catch my thoughts craving food while watching TV but it did not work that time.

However I have got to remember that the whole day bar say 1-3 hours late at night was great. I did my exercise, ate well was generally attentive at lectures. It has to be expected that only days after returning from overseas and then jumping into a full day of Uni will result in a great deal of tiredness at least until I readjust to the change even from before Japan with work. After all that I have to say overall yesterday was a good day. Alpha and Out!