Gone! Got 'im! It's all Over!!

In the words of the great Bill Lawry, the Ashes were lost for another couple of years this morning to the old foe, England. A day of national mourning is now underway in Australia as pompus poms wreak havoc in Melbourne. Rightly so I suppose, England have totally outplayed Australia bar 2-3 days of the series. Still the only thing worse then a whinging pom is a successful one. I think Australians at the moment, myself included, are finding this so hard because for an entire generation the national sport of cricket has been dominated by Australia. In fact it got so bad/good that a couple of years ago the media was complaining that there was no competition anymore and that they couldn't see any other country catching up. But everything goes in cycles really so we will have to bite the bullet and work our way through the degradation of the cricket team for another couple of years.

On a better note, a slightly smaller christmas then previous years has minimised the damage on my fitness goals and after a couple of days of mucking around not following a diet I am back on track and hitting my dietary goals well. Slowly I will refine and improve my techniques to go for specific things but for the next 4 weeks my focus is purely weight loss, I can define and bulk up (in a good muscular way later). Alpha and Out!

(pic from http://nimg.sulekha.com/sports/original700/britain-england-australia-ashes-cricket-2009-7-19-14-11-50.jpg)

The Torment Continues...But it has only just Began!

More birthday celebrations, more overeating, more bad food and less exercise. Completely disrupting my weight loss admittedly more due to my feeble self-discipline than the celebrations themselves. Worst of all the pain has only just began with Christmas tomorrow. Luckily with my mum leaving for Japan on Christmas Day and a most likely small celebration with Dad it will hopefully be a much leaner Christmas then previous years.

The temptation of the seasons has had one positive impact though. It has made me rethink my approach. My plan has been to continue doing weights at the gym and have the input of cardio from bike rides to and from work. However El Nina wind currents have caused December to have only 6 days of sun so far when usually in Brisbane we have 20 days of sun if not more which has severely limited my cycling to/from work to nil. I need to really focus on dropping weight for the first 6 weeks and then re-evaluate for the final 6 weeks. My plan now is to drop 3 out of 6 gym sessions for cardio sessions. In addition to this the input of some birthday money will be put to use in acquiring a water proof pack so I can ride regardless of the weather. Gotta get stuck into my new plan now and make sure tis not the season to be fat! Alpha and Out!

(pic from http://www.funny-potato.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/merry-christmas.jpg)

The Last Temptation of Homer..Doh!

When I say Homer I really mean myself. After a good but draining day I arrived home, had a little snack and had a relax. However as dinner cooked a stream of flavour drifted down the stairs and into my room. Mmmmm......i was drawn along the scent trail Looney Tunes style. Homemade rissoles and fried rice. I just couldn't help myself and served up a big serve of both. Topped that off with a small slice of cake and there went the day's dieting. Luckily dinner was the imperfect exception to a fairly decent day hopefully minimising the damage. Lately I have been good with eating small serves of Grandma's cooking but the accumulation of the day somehow triggered me to break the pattern.

Today is on a much better rebound. I woke naturally early at about 4:30a and took the dog for a walk. When I am up and walking the dog I know it is going to be a good day and it really sets up my mood for this outcome. Perfect diet so far with gym to go but another birthday celebration will disrupt the dieting again. It's only Vietnamese so shouldn't be too much as long as I go to the gym. Alpha and Out!

(pic from http://blog.skimkim.com/wp-content/upload/homerdonut.jpg)

21st Celebrations

A solid 3-4 days of dieting and working out was erased by a weekend of 21st celebrations. However I managed to control myself enough to limit damage and my stats at the end of the week were basically the same as the week before meaning they cancelled each other out - given the party season with Christmas on the horizon I hope this is not a continuing pattern. On the one hand no damage or minimal damage is occurring but one the other hand no progress towards the goal is being made. To void this cancelling out situation I think I just need to make sure I do my workouts and perhaps add a little extra exercise to try and still lose weight while enjoying Christmas in moderation.

Two days into this week, two gym sessions and two solid diet days. Monday was a bit of a dodgy day emotionally - I think it was like that because of the unorganised nature of my diet (I didn't have all the ingredients for my diet) on top of still having a sleep deficiency. However a good night gym session and good, deep sleep made sure I woke up this morning in a good mood. Gotta keep the train going. Alpha and Out!

Tests, Tests, Tests Everywhere

About 2pm Tuesday afternoon, lethargy and frustration hit me with the full force of my burn out and I retreated home. I therefore missed the gym, walking the dog and riding to and from work however this is balanced out with a solid effort of the dietary front.

After notching up 2 straight days of perfection from the use of my "Test" method I am beginning to see my journey as a series of tests. Theres the Sleeping-In Test, the Tuesday Night TV Test, the Afternoon Snacking Test, the Dinner Constraint Test and many more. Based on this collection of tests yesterday was one of mixed success. While successfully beating the afternoon snacking and dinner constraint tests, I gave into the night snacking and Tuesday TV tests, not by much but nonetheless a concession. However despite the mixture of results yesterday I am still in a positive mindset and was overall happy with yesterday. This positivity has continued to rise as today draws onwards. However failing the Sleeping-In Test again today I do thoroughly believe that getting up early and walking the dog is highly beneficial for the overall state of my being throughout the day. Always look for the key factors for a successful day. Alpha and Out!

The Perfect Day...

...for my diet anyway. Yesterday was the first day I think ever that I've been able to stick to my diet plan with no strays to the dark side of food. Not even too many cups of tea, biscuits or lollies which usually I usually fall for. What I did was see every pang for bad food or every weak situation as a test. Test one was going shopping for my diet supplies. Usually this results in at least one fat purchase such as chocolate of chips. Test One, Check! Test two was watching TV without a snack where I usually grab a handful of lollies. This took a lot of mind power but nonetheless, Test Two, Check! Accompanying this technique was punishment exercise. Whenever I got a pang for fatty, sugary foods I had to do 10 push-ups or sit-ups, hopefully this will Pavlovian train me that the thought of "bad" food triggers a response to exercise. Two years of psychology becoming useful!

My powerful prevention of consuming extra food yesterday showed me that I really want the result and also that it was possible for me to stick to a strict diet. Just need to get exercise going and I'll be set. Alpha and Out!

(pic from http://www.bakersfederation.org.uk/images/healthy%20eating%20plate%20small.jpg)

Toast

Burnt toast, that was the personification of my past two weeks since my last blog. The realisation of burn out finally hit me mid last week, mainly by the fact I had done sweet F all for almost a month, doing the bare minimum at work to get by, and last week the gym fell out of the equation too. That is twice in about a year which is very frustrating. However I am now in a better position to grab the burnt toast, scrape off the charred remains of my life and be reborn with delicious butter and some sugary spread (although probably not a good for the diet).

The best thing about burnout is that a cure is also a cure to my primary goal of this blog....Exercise, getting fit, accomplishing something. Fitness is going to be my drug, my anti-depressant, my number one project from now until the first week of March 2011. It will be my primary focus - sculpting, fat burning, dieting, scraping away the charred remains of the past year and a half. Accompanying this pursuit of fitness I will endeavour to slowly improve my personality, bring it out of its protective shell and really chase the lifestyle I have desired since finishing high school.

Wish me luck, it is finally time to claim my share of the world I live in!

Alpha and Out!

pic from (http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_48LkpLeTmgg/S5Vt0-7vpiI/AAAAAAAACwE/AMnR51LFdk4/s400/burnt-toast.jpg)

Weekend Recovery

A number of things absolutely smashed me last week. It left me drained, crook and tired. No major episodes but everything was grinding me down and eventually hit a nerve. However a weekend of doing absolutely nothing has healed over the nerve and I have galvanised back to a strong push forwards. The key was literally doing nothing, just watching TV, making sure I had extra sleep and unfortunately for my fitness goals no diet. Now that I have healed over I can charge back into things again.

Today has been a classic "pumped" up Monday- perfect diet, gym during day, more exercise to come and really getting stuck into work and personal planning etc. I am going to specifically plan my exercise plan this week and for the next couple of week, continuing to search for a job for income and continue on the diet plan I have set out.

!!!04.12.2010!!!

Mark the Date for the launch of my big new Challenge designed to really get results in the next couple of months!!

Go the Aussies! Go the Aussies!

After another Ashes build-up where Australia were bashed and rubbished in the media Australia find themselves in complete control late on the first day of the series. The much maligned Peter Siddle has racked up 6 wickets including a coveted Test Hatrick. Tomorrow's papers will be full of praise for the Aussies, saying they have been resurrected but there is still a long way to go in the series. It is just the nature of the media to sensationalise things and blow everything out of proportion. I have recently lost all confidence in the Australian media to report a story fairly, which I find very disappointing. But anyway thats another musing for another day, today should be about a great start to the Ashes for the Aussies.

Unfortunately the Ashes occupied my thoughts today leading to not sticking to my diet plan, missing the gym and procrastinating like crazy at work. Oh Well, let me bask in successful Ashes start and I will be back in full steam tomorrow. Alpha and Out!

(pic from http://p.imgci.com/db/PICTURES/CMS/106100/106174.2.jpg)

1st Gear to 5th Gear in a Flash

And then in another flash the gearbox blew out and the machine came to an abrupt stop. Another great start to the week came undone on the Tuesday. Two gym sessions and one Oztag semi-final left me dead. Making it worse the second gym session didn't start until 11:45pm because my brother had to work late. Tuesday was a complete write off as I was out of my mind tired. I ended up going home and snoozing as nothing was getting done. Unfortunately with the early return came some extra eating comprising of the usual suspects - biscuits, lollies and large serving of dinner.

All this is because of my tendency to go from 0 to 1000 in one day when I really should be going 0-60, 60-90 100-120 etc, slowly increasing my intensity. However as has been the case in recent months the damage was minimal and was easily recovered today. While I have become better at managing the "fall-out" from my insane motivation days I need to get better at slow drip release of the motivational energy and stop these one-day fade outs. Anyway back on track today with perfect diet, exercise and work. Back and Better!

(pic from http://www.lifebydesign.biz/Portals/5/gearshift-knob.jpg)

The Early Morning Stroll

Early Sunday morning walking to my car after a sober night out with some mates, I was struck with many thoughts. It is strange when and where inspiration hits you. This has happened several times after a night out, walking home. Strolling through the cold city, pavements littered with intoxicated people, taxi's flying past and the wind swirling. In that 30 minutes I was more motivated to get fit, really fit, cut to shreds, more sociable then ever before. I think this is a result of my innate inability to strike up a simple conversation with anyone. But regardless of the cause, the motivational energy has to be used. After collapsing for a nights rest, I jumped outta bed raring to go and started to plan another renewed approach to "Alphadom"

The motivational energy gave rise to a creative surge. This creative surge gave rise to thoughts of a campaign to get absolutely defined and fit by the time a music festival hits town. Keep an eye on this space as I plan to unveil the campaign soon.

Monday started poorly, missing walking the dog and a morning run due mainly to sleeping in and rain. However I can catch them up today. So far diet has been almost entirely perfect. Exciting times for the Alpha!

(pic from http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3275/2462239677_e70dc4f96c.jpg)

Like a Bouncing Ball!

This week I have felt like a bouncing ball. Let go on Monday from a great height, down to the ground after my exam, back up again as I bounced back and got into work, fell back to earth as work piled up and now bouncing back up to a lower point. My goal by the return of Uni is to move the ground up- so while I may still be let go from a height my fall and subsequent bounce back won't be so dramatic. This is what I am working on in my own time the next couple of months.

To mentally aid my journey to the great kingdom of Alpha I am going to try to instill in my mind "Will this action bring me towards the kingdom or will it draw me backwards?" for every action I take throughout a day and will report about it in my bloggin'

Lets Raise the Ground, Alpha and Out!

(pic from http://cccolo.com/Graphics/Bouncing%20Ball.png)

The Turning Point

After slogging my way through a tough genetics exam I entered into the hot, Brisbane day, a new man. I became a man focused on my goals, on moving forward, on taking responsibility, on really taking control of my fitness once and for all. The trigger was the final Uni commitment of the year. This frees up some spare time for me to really get stuck into the exercise, bring in a second job to pay for good nutrition and a renewed focus on my goals for next year and what I need to do to bring them to realisation.

I think it is important once a large, time consuming project is finalised that the first thought should be to divert that time to self improvement, whether that be health, study, fitness, spiritual. Instead of just wasting that time on TV or movies it should be utelised to its full potential. Its gonna be a good couple of months. Alpha and Out!

(pic from http://southwestcc.org/Portals/2/CareCounseling/turning-point-sign.gif)

Damn You, Damn You, TV, Damn you to hell

Another night, another bed, another television, another program. Last night was a night of de ja vu. Me needing to study, saying- just one program it'll be fine, "ok, one more" and then laying there for hours then falling to sleep. On the brightside though, I fell asleep much earlier then past Tuesdays most likely because of the large day I had on Monday. After a weekend of time wasting and relaxing, last night has put me back to where I was before my Monday session. However where there is will there is a way. I will just have to work harder.

Overall yesterday was an average day - average diet, another procrastinated afternoon, still unable to train with weights then went home to the TV. How ever today is another day and I need to take proactive steps to removing the shackles of my life at this stage. What I lack which explains everything is a strong focus of my direction to motivate me. I am working on drawing a vision for my life in the next 1-2 years but perhaps I need to draw it for other focuses - resigning from my position at work, working hard at the gym etc. This will help me to leap out of bed in the morning and hopefully minimize the procrastination that has recently taken hold of me. Alp-ha and Out!

(pic from http://lagwar.com/home/wp-content/uploads/tv-set.jpg)

I - Robot?

At least I resembled a robot for most of last week with my arm injuries, leaving me to walk around with elbows at 90 degrees. Looking like a robot or like a grandad with a ghost walking frame was only a little bit awkward in public. Good news is the pain has gone and my left arm can almost straighten. My right arm is still quite stiff but it is slowly extending.

Bad news is though I failed to isolate the damage of the injury to my physical state, letting it wreck havoc on my mental state. This has left me with a massive amount of study to perfect my preparation for my pending exam. I am not worried provided I stick to my plan for this week. While my diet wasn't catastrophic last week I still need to tighten it up as I am still at least a week away from weights. Up the cardio I say, which will hopefully be possible from tomorrow on. While I am currently behing the 8 ball, a good week of simply following my outlined schedule should bring me back to speed. Alpha and Out!

(pic from http://www.weirdwarp.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/bender.jpg)

It's Loosening...

After almost 4 days I woke up this morning to find my arms slightly less painful and tight. The pain has retreated a fair bit but the arms are still pretty tight with limited movement. I am going to see how they are tomorrow morning and then make the call whether I see a physio for them or not. Icing them for ages last night seems to help at least in the morning.

Tuesday mornings injury breaking news really wrecked my plans for the week- my gym, study and work as well. With my Uni exam just over a week away I really need to buckle down and retrieve the lost time as best I can. My motivation and drive are slowly returning and I am positive I can reach at least a happy mid-point in my study etc.

My diet has been average since the injury with both good meals and bad/large meals. However now that I seem to be over the "retreat to the cave" recovery phase I believe I can start to enforce greater restraint which is especially important given my lack of activity in the past couple of days. Slowly crawling back to the drivers seat. Alpha and Out!

(pic from http://www.weightlossforall.com/images/shoulder%20triceps%20stretching.JPG)

Like Balloons

Thats like what my biceps are at the moment and not in a good "they're so big" way. They are all puffed up from inflammation. Still suffering from pain and stiffness in my arms from Monday's weights session almost 3 days ago. Yesterday I didn't strech them out just tried to leave them alone and that worked this morning as I felt less pain, still very stiff though. It is a very similar dull, aching pain similar to when I first did my hamstring suggesting it is a substantial strain or tear. That means RICEing it until Saturday or Sunday where I will begin when the pain is gone to strech them out and get movement and strength back.

Not much else to report other than the injury, it is also wrecking my resolve and dietary constraints, study and work schedules are seemingly out the door. This is something I will need to work on in the future -minialising the mental side of injury. Unfortuneatly I think I will have a lot of practise at this, as I am injury prone and my recent lack of activity is definately a major factor. But for now I just need to power on through and rest and rehab it to health. Alpha and Out!

(pic from http://www.faqs.org/photo-dict/photofiles/list/2846/3776red_balloon.jpg)

Pumped to Explode

And then they blew up. After my first weights session in several months I came out sore but nothing more than usual. Went on with my day, played Oztag, studied, went to sleep. And then I woke up. I literally couldn't extend my elbow more than 100 degrees, had no strength and a dull ache. Anway ruled me out of weights but went and trained my brother doing arms and shoulders and did a little cardio on the bike. The rest of the day was a complete write off, I really don't cope well when I am physically injured. I spent 1-2 hours having lunch with Dad, then kicked into an afternoon of procrastination, went home, had dinner then descended into the depths of a TV marathon from 7pm to 1am. Completely breaking my diet, work schedule, study schedule and TV ban.

After icing and applying deep heat the night before I expected to wake up soreish but with normal to minimally limited movement. However I woke up in exactly the same position, writhing in pain, elbows at right angles. The tightness increased further overnight and I am still having a dull ache which is quite painful. This suggests a really bad strain. Nothing seems to help it heal, even old father time didn't help but hopefully it is just a matter of waiting it out further. Alpha and Out!

(pic from http://testyoc.aaos.org/figures/A00064F02.jpg)

FOOD DIARY - B= 2 slice wholemeal toast with jam, glass milk; S= banana; L= lrg serve mince curry and rice, glass OJ, glass Solo, cho ice block; S= serve cheese, coke zero; D= sml serve rice, med serve chicken curry, sml serve veges, low fat ice cream block; S= 4 piece of liquorice, 4 lollies; Xtr= gum x 3,

EXERCISE DIARY - 5 ab sets, 20 mins exercise bike

Pumped!

Arrghh! Squeezing out set after set of weights has left me pretty sore and tight and its only been 2-3 hours since the session. Perhaps a light jog warm-up and some proper stretching next time would be appropriate particularly when doing deadlifts. Despite the tightness it is great to feel that pumped up feeling again, having blood pump through my arms till they can't bend. After a couple of weeks dabbling around some cardio I have decided to really get serious and really train hard to get me into shape, preparing me for a return to triathlons and preparing me for my Army Assessment day. On the average day I have planned the following exercise schedule;

1. 15-20 min dog walk when wake up
2. 30-45 min body weight exercises after dog walk
3. Weights at the Gym with brother
4. Cardio Gym Session later that day

Hopefully that strenuous regime coupled with more effective dieting will lead to a rapid return to decent levels and then further to a galaxy far, far away. Today smashed chest and back however really felt the burn in my arms possibly indicating that I need to focus more on my technique. Also today I am having a liquid-only day. I do not recommend this to anyone but I find it quite refreshing after a period of eating bad food in large proportions. It also sets me up for more effective dieting in the subsequent days. Really grabbing the bull now, Alpha and Out!

(pic fromhttp://www.bigxander.com/site/seyretfiles/localvideos/training/_thumbs/033010-1.jpg)

Down the Drain

About 7:00pm on Tuesday night I made the fateful decision to hit the Red Button. Thats the red button for the power on switch for the TV not the destroy the world type of red button. Although for me it might have well been the destroy the world button. Since that moment which turned from half an hour relaxing into a 6 hour laze fest all the positive energy and momentum I huilt up has been circling the drain. It has led me to believe that at this stage I simply cannot hit that button again particularly on weekdays. Since then I have been behind on sleep, it has put me behind in my studies and the whittled away at my motivation. This sleep and motivation deficiency led to massive procrastination both yesterday and today which was accompanied by food also wrecking my fitness drive.

As you can see the reprecussions of that simple "Button" are widespread and devastating. Therefore I need to develop the following strategy until I can develop and change my mental patterns that lead to TV watching.

• I will return from Work for dinner at approximately 6:00pm.


• However after an hour (i.e. 7:00pm) I will head off again to Uni for study and deprivation from the TV


• I will then finish study and drop by the gym for a session before returning home


• The idea of this is that I will be so tired, even if I watch TV it will only be for 30mins or less before I drift off

Let's See How it Goes. Alpha and Out!

FOOD DIARY - B= 8 weetbix with 2 serves milk, 1 lollie; S= orange, tea with milk; L= bowl lettuce, 1/2 a tomato, 1 mushroom, 3 serves cheese, 9 slices bread, lemonade;S= 2 slice bread, coke zero, coffee with milk and sugar, packet of instant noodles; D= lrg serve rice and mince curry, 2 glasses of Solo; Xtr - gum

EXERCISE DIARY - Nothing

(pic from http://www.faqs.org/photo-dict/photofiles/list/1305/1804drain.jpg)

Like a Flash

Monday was a full on flat out day which went like a flash. I got just about everything I scheduled done and more. Topped that off by having a successful Oztag game then backed up for a solid gym session. Then did the study I had planned and then went to sleep without TV. It just kept going Up and Up. Diet was near perfect too. I was too busy to calculate my calories for the day but simply the threat of the "Count" kept me in stead. Another reward I am attaching to my weight-loss particularly is contributing $1.00 to a fund to get my first tattoo which I have promised myself for years as soon as I get fit. I am finding that I need to saturate this weight loss journey with rewards, goals and restraints to allow me to travel successfully. I find that what really motivates me one week will not have the same power the next week so this saturation method is required.

Today has so far been a diet success, Uni success and general mood success. My scheduled work has suffered at the hands of higher priority jobs, so while I haven't ticked off many jobs I had planned I still got a decent amount done. Now it is home to study then back out for a gym session. Alpha and Out!

FOOD DIARY - B= 2 slice wholemeal bread with jam, banana; S= tea with milk; L= 4 dinner rolls, serve cheese, bowl of lettuce, mushroom, 1/2 tomato; S= banana, coffee with milk and 1 sugar; D= 3 sausages, lrg serve mashed potato, lrg serve mixed veges, tomato sauce; Xtr= gum x 2, 4 lollies

EXERCISE DIARY - 30 min Oztag; Gym (3 sets of 5 min interval treadmill, 20 push-ups, 20 sit-ups; 20min warm up and cool down)

(pic from http://www.gaminglife.com.au/images/flash21.jpg)

He'ssss Baacckkkk.....

Yes, the Count has returned! The calorie count that is. On the second or third real venture out of the station of Awkward I believe I need the strict guidelines and support that calorie counting has given me before. While I don't like the stigma attached with "calorie counting" just simply having a quantitative measure of what and how much your eating is what I desire. I seem to get in a highly empowered and positive state when I get stuck into raw stats. Whether it is how many marks I get to get a 7 at university, how many items I need to finalise an account or how many calories I need to consume/burn to lose weight. For people who love to eat and also have the unfortunate habit of comfort feeding, as I do, the visual representation of exactly how much food you are consuming, in the form of calories is quite helpful.

First day of "leaving the Station" and already slept in and missed my dog walk and 15 min work-out session. No biggie though as I was up late at the gym and I will probably take some time to get used to the schedule I am after. Since this morning my diet has been near perfect and I have followed my schedule precisely. Alpha and Out

Re-Greasing the Wheels...

...in preparation for another journey of the Alpha train to begin. After a mid-week capitulation last week follwed by a late week refocus and re-empowering, things are slowly falling into place in my mental state. I am spending Sunday afternoon to prepare thoroughly for next week, I have gotten my last crappy food day for awhile, I am slowly fortifying my iron hard will to force me to do what I plan despite how I hear and am refocusing and strengthening my goals.

You know things are on the up when you wake up at 4:30am on a Saturday morning and get out of bed. Not just get out of bed but out of bed in a good mood and then take the doc for an hour long walk. I then decided to have a bit of R & R to make sure the wounds of last week have fully healed.

After a sluggish start this morning, I have slowly gained momentum and am now in a positive and productive mood ready for a massive week. Alpha and Out!

(pic from http://www.corbisimages.com/images/67/F9BF9C90-DAA3-44D3-ACAD-A83723FFC4BC/JL002676.jpg)

And...Here...We...Go...

Another week, another set back, another solution, another comeback. My mental patience with work broke early this week, leaving me depressed, deflated and dejected. The result was little to no work done this week, the whole of Wednesday in bed watching TV and the comfort eating. However out of that doom 'n' gloom on the last working day of the week some clarity and some help.

With work finally getting some help I feel on the verge of another big push towards the Alpha domain. Simple clarity has almost immediately renergised and re-empowered me. But with Great power, comes Great responsibility. So I have chosen today to rework my blog so it can become a place of learning and Inspiration and fulfill my Responsibility to track my emergence. The biggest change apart from the colour scheme is the inclusion of my daily tips rather then including them in my blog posts as I think just reading through the tips would be great.

I am pumped and ready to put my bum up, head down and smash my way to the Alpha personality I am deep inside. Alpha and Out!

(pic from http://static.reelmovienews.com/images/gallery/here-we-go.png)

Ain't Got No Fuel

Both in the literal physical sense and also the mental motivational sense. The past two days I have got next to nothing done at work and surprise, surprise my diet on the past two days has been hopeless. Yesterday involved nothing substantial from 730am to 400pm while today was worse still not eating until 230pm. Looking back over the past couple of months the days where I have had the least motivation, drive and energy have been days when I skipped meals. Notice I said skipped meals, usually unintentionally, rather than when I was restricting my caloric intake but spacing it out over 5-6 meals. My eating patterns at the moment is pretty much the worst type of pattern, long breaks between meals which leads to having massive meals at the start or end of the day.

On a more positive note, although I didn't do any work what so ever yesterday I managed to re-group that night and actually stuck to my study plan which left me in a positive end to the day. However by sun up all positivity was gone and replaced by a dead hunger and tired and lethargic behaviour. Tomorrow is another day, Alpha and Out!

Yesterday's Tip: Never resort, when possible, to meal "skipping" as this often leads to overeating to compensate as well as inhibiting metabolism and increase energy storage and therefore increased fat.

FOOD DIARY- B= apple;S= 6 vita wheats; L= 2 vita wheat; S= 3 slice cheese, 3 rice cakes, 5 biscuits, 7 lollies, 1/2 glass milk; D= pork chops, mashed potato, carrot; S= 4 pieces of liquorice; Xtr= tea

EXERCISE DIARY - 30 min Oztag

(pic from http://rlv.zcache.com/empty_fuel_tank_indicator_gauge_car_sticker-p217978080960572575qjcl_400.jpg)

6 Days to Live

Tracking my behaviour in the "Behaviour Box" has forced to me to realise exactly how much TV consumes my life. This past week I have spent over 28 hours in front of the idiot box keeping in mind I was trying to reduce my hours. This potentially means that in past weeks I have been eclipsing 30 hours maybe even pushing 40 hours. I feel empowered over this issue now, I think I needed the shock of just how much time I was wasting. In some ways it is no wonder why I have been struggling with some departments such as exercising, studying and at work - I only am effectively living in a 6 day week, a 26-27 day month and a 313 day year.

Having said the disruption of the TV, I still managed to get a lot done this weekend including reading, studying and planning for the week. For the only the second time this semester I am prepared for the Multi choice quiz before the day of the test. My diet today wasn't great but in terms of having several meals a day I am suceeding over the past couple of days.

The detailed and specific planning of the week, allowing for time slots and being able to tick off goals for the day led to a very productive work week. However the same planning was not so successful at home obviously due to the amount of TV being watched but also my pattern over the past couple 0f months, my emotional state and my physical state. This week I will try to rectify the issue at home while maintaining the productivity at work. Alpha and Out!

24 Hour Pitstop

After making some great headway the past week, a night of interuppted and little sleep forced me to make a pitstop. I was tired, had had a productive week but also quite stressful and things became a bit too much for me. I slept in, even though I was required at work early before Uni. On a positive not though, on a day like this in the past I wouldv'e skipped Uni as I had things to do. But todays Alpha is much stronger and I managed to attend a pretty good lecture. Even no money for parkin didn't stop me, I risked a fine for an hours parking while attending the lecture (Don't tell anyone). On returning from Uni I knew it was going to be one of those days and instead of wasting my time I decided to turn it in early and go home, to return on the weekend to make up for it.

This would've worked nicely however another pitstop at a supermarket meant some junk food, spending money and probably stopping me further. After a restfull day remaining Friday and Saturday morning I definately do feel refreshed, re-empowered and ready to keep on truckin'. The reading of a book on success by Tony Robbins made this lazy Saturday not a complete waste and has given me some great pointers to elaborate on at the right time. Back on track!

Chugging Along

Still creeping along the train tracks slowly, the "muck on the tracks" is still not allowing for any major increase in momentum but it still hasn't stopped me and is actually forcing me to strive for the better.

Had a good day yesterday after a couple of rough ones. Still no exercise but diet was good and even got some study done that night. Reluctantly as I was still in that lazy pattern but studied nonetheless. It has been calm so far today which hopefully will allow for a productive afternoon. My mood over the past two days has been much improved and this correlates accurately with my improvements in diet. Can't emphasise it enough, refine your diet refines your mood. Alpha and Out.

Yesterday's Tip - Incorporating small regular meals really helps refine your mood.Include some healthy veges etc boosts this power even more so. If your feeling crap just go back to basics, avoid the comfort food binge and chow down small portions of healthy food and you'll feel much better.

FOOD DIARY- B= coffee with milk and 1.5 sugars;S= coffee with milk and 1 sugar; L= sml serve baked beans; S= lettuce, capsicin, paremsan cheese; D= lrg serve mince curry and rice, glass milk; S= Nothing; Xtr= 1 gum

EXERCISE DIARY - Nothing

Muck on the Track...

But still grinding along. Had one of those days yesterday where nothing seems to go right and the bad things in life pile up. However it did not rip me to shreds or bring the "Alpha" train to a complete stop, I managed to still get a fair few To Do's done. The past several months of hardships are still going to continue but I now feel empowered and toughened to bring myself through it and arrive at the station in a positive, empowered and strong state. I ain't gonna let it get me down no more.

Diet was average yesterday, definitely contributing to my struggles but still not completely bad. Still managing to chomp down biscuits and lollies before dinner and drink soft drink late at night while watching TV but given the circumstances of yesterday I am content with the overall day's diet.

Life's tough but I am tougher. I will get through this and continue to drive on towards the final station of "Alphadom". Alpha and Out!

Yesterday's Tip: Sometimes, on those really bad days when stuff piles up, I believe it is definately better overall for you to withdraw into your "Safe Place", dig into some Comfort habits such as food, and weather the storm, shielding yourself so you can keep going when it calms down.

FOOD DIARY- B= 4 weetbix with milk and honey, 2 slice wholemeal toast with jam; S= tea; L= Nothing; S= 7 biscuits, glass milk, 7 lollies; D= 3 risoles with gravy, mashed potato, veges, strawberries with ice cream and custard; S= 2 bottles of Ginger Ale; Xtr= 2 gum, 2 lollies

EXERCISE DIARY - Nothing

Lock On...

to the tracks, the Alpha train is resuming the roll after a temporary pitstop. Numerous hazards ahead but Alpha train has been hardened, toughened and reinforced and this time will plow ahead despite the obstacles. That is my general feel and attitude at the moment. Had a decent day were I plowed through my work goals. A majority of my To Dos' yesterday was the management of creditors, not a great job. But just to speak with them, make arrangements and cross them off my list was quite empowering and set me up for a great day. Gunned through Uni, returned to work very tired and hungry which led to internal mood flucuations but made it home had a good dinner and then it the train pulled into the station.

I had planned a run and study that night but unfortuneately I fell into the old pattern of collapsing into bed and watching TV. To make matters worse some of my favourite movies, Crocodile Dundee were on, which I haven't seen for ages. A bit of a set back but easily made up for and in the end I was tired and needed the rest, so all in all no major dramas. Alpha and Out!

Tips From Yesterday: Make a To Do list daily for all things from work to "down time". Crossing items off that list no matter how horrible they were was extremely empowering and set me up for a positive mood.

FOOD DIARY- B= scrambled eggs, thick slice wholemeal bread, cappacino; S & L= Nothing; S= banana muffin; D= rice, med serve meat curry, sambol, sml bowl fruit salad; S= 7 lollies, ginger ale; Xtr= 2 um pieces, can of lemonade

EXERCISE DIARY- Nothing

On the Other Side

As you might have noticed due to another late week of blog scarcity I had a bit of an average end to the week. Basically started from either not eating or eating the wrong food i.e. McDonalds and then spiralled from there. However I feel like I have come out on the other side fine and positive. A good weekend made up of a good combination of work, study and relaxation and snoozing. Rainy weather helped to relax by keeping me indoors.

Today I hit the ground running despite the 5 hours sleep due to a assignment last night. Caught up with the fam for breakfast. Back to work and gunned through all I wanted to get done then off to a decent day of uni. My mood while at Uni fluctuated mainly down and neutral. I think this is mainly due to lack of sleep and food so so long as I manage it, it shouldn't have any lasting effects.

After a bit of a fail week in the Super Saver Diet (~$25), I intend to try again for under the $10 mark this week. Also continuing to re evaluate my focus and life goals ontop of my immediate goals. All in all a good day. Alpha and Out

Deadweight

A night run with my little brother last night felt like I was walking through wet concrete. It ended up being more of a stroll with a bit of running. I had had a big dinner an hour or so before the run and my calves were sore from the muddy Oztag game on Monday night. Even then it just felt like my whole body was a deadweight. It wasn't draining in the cardio sense but I just couldn't run, my legs felt like lead. I arrived home extremely sore, showered and jumped into bed discomforted by the pain. Not a great run, hopefully this is simply because of the late meal rather than my cardio and anaerobic abilities. It is quite disheartening but I just keep telling myself not to get disheartened, I got myself here and I can get myself back.

Diet was going really well until the afternoon, where having completed all tasks I wanted to get done I left work early. Arriving home early left me craving an arvo snack even though I had had a snack before I left. I had a large afternoon tea and followed that up with a large dinner. Not the best day but definitely not the worst. Alpha and Out!

FOOD DIARY- B= 4 weetbix with milk; S= peanut butter sandwich, tea; L= bowl lettuce with paresan cheese; S= lrg amount of lettuce, tea, 7 biscuits, serve cashews, med serve mashed potato, glass milk; D= lrg serve silverside with white sauce, veges, med serve mashed potato, poached pears, custard, ice cream; S= bottle of ginger ale

EXERCISE DIARY- 1.5 hour walk/run

Good and Muddy

Another good day was racked up yesterday topped off with a wet and muddy game of Oztag. Churned through Uni study before my exam, which I think went well. Then returned to work and sat down and planned out my week in very specific detail. I hope that this planning, in particular, planning my work schedule will stop my afternoon procrastinations. No gym or runs yesterday, just Oztag but that was ok as I will make up for it throughout the week. Oztag was extremely wet and muddy. We played a late game and with some afternoon showers combined with previous games the fields had been torn to shreds and were a real mud bath. We still played though and unfortunately, good sportsmanship cost us the game in the end. Myself and another player decide to play for the other team as they were short several players. This led to me stopping 1-2 tries and ended the game us losing 2-3. It was difficult conditions to run in and the tags were so wet and muddy they often fell off by themselves with out any contact.

Was very happy with my diet yesterday. Several small portions, nothing particularly unhealthy and kept to my $10 weekly food budget by not spending any money. It's all good in the hood, Alpha and Out!

FOOD DIARY- B= 4 weetbix with milk, tea; S= tea; L= bowl lettuce, parmesan cheese; S= 2 slice white bread; D= 2 sausages, mashed potato, salad; S= 3 slice white bread, tea; Xtr= 3 slice white bread, tea

EXERCISE DIARY- 35 min Oztag

The Vision

Since the start of the year where I had written down all of my goals, refocused on where I want to be at and putting things into action I have slowly lost focus of my goals. Also events in the past 3-4 months have forced to to seriously re-evaluate my goals set only 7-8 months ago. Having used a list of goals in slideshow form I want to try something different. I want to use a vision. The vision will be like a little story about what I want to be doing, look like and feel in the future. I am going to write it to evoke all of the senses, the feel of it, the smell, the sight of it and the spiritual vibe of it. I also intend to draw up a pictorial representation of my Vision. I will then break it down into chucks of actions to be taken to fulfill my vision. I am going to do one initially for one year but then when I have time I intend to expand it to 10 years, 20 years down the track.

I am also thinking about how my blog has descended from my journey of weight loss and tips into more of a blog about how the rest of my life is treating me. While I believe it allows for insight into the decisions I am making I also want to bring back more usefull information, tips and tracking of results. Part of this is including my food and exercise diaries in my post rather than on a sidebar (which I left unchanged for weeks and months on end) I also want to use my financial position as a positive rather than a negative. I want to hopefully show that you can loose weight on low income. I am aiming for $10 or less spent on food, at least until I start receiving more funds. I am able to live off such a low amount mainly because living at my Grandparents place provides me with breakfast and dinner and food on the weekends, otherwise I wouldn't be able to live on so little. So this week will hopefully bring about change, positivity and clarity. Alpha and Out!

Leaving Outside Off Stump

Had an "off" day yesterday. I didn't sleep very well on Wednesday so I was pretty tired. The morning went well and I got a fair bit of work done but come afternoon I was flat as a tack. I ended up wasting almost 2 hours not working just reading the news on the web. While at the start of the day I was deadset keen to bring up 4 in a row by mid-afternoon there was no way I felt like the gym, even though it would've been a weights session to rest my legs. Looking at my exercise and food diary also reveals another factor to my crashing- No lunch. This further reinforces the need for small but repeated meals to keep me up. I distinctly remember yesterday though the inate urge to go grab some take-away at lunch mainly because its quick and easy nature. Luckily though I fought the urge.

Things weren't going well so I decided to leave work and go home for a rest. I decide to leave the balls outside off stump to work myself back into a good frame of mind. It seems to have worked too, I am feeling refreshed and positive again and keen to bring on the mid arvo gym. I started the day well with a cricket net session with my brother. Copped a few on my arms but other than that did ok. Back on the Up!

FOOD DIARY- B= lrg serve bacon and eggs with toast, butter and tomato; S= tea w sugar;L= Nothing;S= 5 cream biscuts, milk, lrg serve dairy milk chocolate; D= lrg serve mince curry, rice and veges, poached apple, ice cream and custard; S= med serve nutella

EXERCISE DIARY- Nothing

Walks back to his mark...

The team close in. A slow clap begins from the crowd. He launches into a run.3...2....1.....Bowled him! Thats a hatrick! Yes, yesterday I backed up my back-up and had 3 gym sessions in as many days. Did the same set of running, 20 push-ups and then a ab set. Good to put them together but noticed how sore and tight my legs were getting. Towards the end I felt a little pain in my ankle so I was forced to back off the pace a little. So today I am going to do a weights session. I will make up the cardio later when I go for an evening run with my little brother.

Diet was better yesterday, incorporated some fruit into the regime long with regular meals. My dinner of a big homemade curry and rice was perhaps a bit too much but not too much of an issue. Gettin Up and Upper here, Alpha and Out!

FOOD DIARY- B= 4 weetbix, honey and milk. 2 wholemeal toast butter and jam; S= 3 vita wheat; L= 4 vita wheat, banana, roast chicken 2 thick white breadslices; S= apple, coffee w sugar, lrg serve cheese crackers; D= lrg serve mince curry with rice; Xtr= tea, 3 pieces of gum

EXERCISE DIARY- 1hr gym (10min warm-up and stretch, 5 x (5min treadmill, 20 push-ups, ab set (each 5rep)))

2 in A Row!

Notched up the first back to back gym sessions yesterday. This is probaly the first time in at least 4 months that I have been able to stick back to back. Even before then it was rare, so it is quite an achievement. Honestly, skipping the gym yesterday did cross my mind. We were smashed by a heavy storm around mid-afternoon so I would've had to drive. I had a million and one things to do at work that were playing on my mind. Nevertheless I pushed on. Went down to the storage at work where I keep my gym gear. Water had seeped in and soaked my bike shorts which are essential to stop chaffing. But even that didn't stop me. Luckily I had a pair of running shorts that allows everything to breathe and keeps things dry therefore avoiding painfull chaffing. Chucked them on drove to the gym and smashed out a session. Even in the session I was tempted to only do the intervals to say 60 or 80 push-ups but again I pushed through and cracked off the full 100. Even over one day I can feel the strength and ease of the push-ups along with the ab set becoming easier.

Diet was ok, not great but I am still weighed down by contraints for the near future so I can't win them all. Had an ok aside from the diet and exercise. Only OK because I am working against a big deadline 2 weeks away and got severely caught up in a complex working of the companies books. To add to that I ended up not doing any study when I got home, which I will have to rectify tonight. Alpha and Out!

FOOD DIARY- B=bowl of muesli and milk, 2 slice wholemeal toast with honey, tea; S= 1/2 a large salmon omelette, tea; L= 2 thick wholemeal bread with roast chicken; S= 5 cream biscuits, 3 liquorice sticks, 4 sugar lollies; D= sausage, 3 small risoles, med serve veges, lrg serve homemade fried rice, med serve plum pudding, custard; S= 3 liqorice sticks; Xtr= 1 piece gum

EXERCISE DIARY- 1hr gym

Putting a Foot on Solid Ground

Had a solid day yesterday. Not a great tick all boxes kind of day but definately a decent day in a positive direction. I hit the majority of my exercise goals yesterday. I am back in the gym doing a circuit of 5 min cardio- 20 push ups-ab set(each exercise 5 reps) and doing that until I reach 100 push-ups. Hopefully as I regain my fitness I will be able to go longer, faster and harder.

I am also slowly reintroducing some dietary restraint into my daily life. I am attempting to cut down on breakfast and then eat small portions throughout the day. Hopefully I will get another injection of money in the near future and I will be able to launch into a full diet but until then I just have to manage as best as possible.

I am also going to include my "Food Dairy" and "Exercise Diary" as lists in my actual posts-that way I have a record of what I ate on each particular day and will give me a better idea of what works and what doesn't. Alpha and Out!

FOOD DIARY- B= 8 weetbix, milk; S= 2 vita wheat, peanut butter; L=4 vita wheat, 2 thick white bread, chicken, butter; S= 3 vita wheat, 2 thick white bread, tea (with sugar); D= ham, roast chicken, potato salad, waldorf salad,regular lettuce salad, slice lamington cream cake; S= 3 liquorice sticks, 2 jubes, 2 orange lollies, mentos; Xtrs= 5 pieces of gum

EXERCISE DIARY- 1hr gym; 40 min oztag

(pic from http://www.affinitysutton.com/images/stepping%20up%20logo.jpg)

Smashed!

Built up a head of steam last week till Thursday. Was hitting gym or similar exercise, working well, attitude was tops. THe only issue was my car headlights which weren't working. But this was easily solved by riding which was a double plus. All going great on Thursday-worked well, had gone for a decent run with my little brother with very little hamstring tightness, was buggered but jumped on the bike to head home. I was keen as all hell for a decent meal as the run had taken it out of me. Anyway pulled around a corner about a third of the way home. On the wrong side of the path coming straight at me was another cyclist, not speeding but still cracking along at a decent speed.

It was strange we sorted of yelled out, I tried to go one way, he thought I was going the other, there were several other cyclists so I couldn't go one way. In the end we basically maintained our trajectory and had a decent smash. We both jumped up, shaken but everyone in good spirits. Luckily the cyclist he was riding with had several tools and the know-how to fix the problems he saw. We were about to head our seperate ways until I realised that my wheel had warped when we crash and it wouldn't allow the wheel to turn. Quite frustrating. But the other cyclists were good, attempted to fix it but the wheel was really written off. They then rode home a picked me up and dropped me home.

So by the end of the week I was left unable to drive or ride when the sun was down. More tonight catching everyone up to date. Alpha and Out!

(pic from http://www.arthursclipart.org/accidents/accidents/cycle%20crash.gif)

Gettin it On!

No not what your thinking, getting my gym on, getting my exercise on, getting my mind on. Had a great fulfilling day today. Lots of work done, half decent nutrition and finally hit some targets on my weekly exercise plan.

The headlights of my car seem to be very faded so while I drove in this morning I had to get home before dark. But I needed to do work and also have dinner at dads. So to solve this I jumped on the bike to drive me home. Thankfully the weather held out for me on both to and from trips.

Made it back to the gym after a month or so exile. Was absolutely pumped to bust my gut and really smash myself but luckily my head came into gear and prevented that. Don't get me wrong I had a hard session of treadmill sets split by push-ups and sit-ups. I then had another 10 mins of light running and cycling before a good stretch.

Everything finally seems like it is slowly reforming, falling back into space, clearing the future. I think that my "Exercise Train" is forcing that by slowly gaining momentum. This has improved my energy, stress levels and thinking patterns as well as my overall motivation. If anyone gets into a state of mind thats depressed, down, negative or clouded, the cure is very simple. Exercise! Alpha and Out!

(pic from: http://mike.pastor2pastor.org.au/files/2010/08/10a-Running-Coach.jpg)

The Full Circle

Just finished another topsy turvy week. Started off on a rampaging high-Hitting all my goals, gunning through work, maintaining the Uni study I had planned. Then it waned a touch mid week-mainly due to lack of sleep and other pressures-got a lot done but was physically buggered. And then it dropped right out to the point where went home early on Friday and just slept. Now I am right on a gentle high, not raging but just up there. Another week, another full circle of emotions.

Having experienced this same pattern many a time before I believe I still have made process this week. Before, I would hit bottom around Thursday, last week it was Friday and even then it wasn't bottom-bottom. This week I just need to slow down and stretch my "high" across the week. I need my pendulum swinging from 8 to 4 not 11 to 2. Spread it out, Alpha and Out!

(pic=http://www.teach-nology.com/worksheets/early_childhood/shapes/circle.gif)

Notch It Up

Another day, another notch in my Back to Basics belt. Again despite missing the morning dog walk I was not drawn down into the darkness but merely shrugged it off, did my stretching and moved on. I then jumped on the bike and rode to work, uni and back and then back home. While riding today was not part of my schedule it was done out of financial necessity. And boy do I feel it. 2 days, almost 60kms and two sore legs. I arrived home with extremely sore hamstrings on both legs. This is kind of strange as cycling should be predominantly more stressful on the quads rather than hamstrings. None the less, today's cycle was alright, probably on par with yesterdays ride. I didn't feel much improvement but thats to be expected after only one day and probably the first time in more than a year that I have strung back to back cycling sessions.

I finally feel like I am pulling my self free from the Doom and Gloom and finally see the light on the horizon. Uni is lining up well, exercise is again lining up, even work to a lesser extent is lining up. Just gotta keep the positivity going and not have a crash back down again. But all good at the moment, Boo Yah, Alpha and Out!

Building It!

Action packed day today where I finally had a decent crack at getting everything done. Despite a morning sleep in I made the call to stay home and catch up with Uni work. Cycled into Uni. It was around the middle of the day so was quite hot despite being only spring (need to remember to chuck on some sunscreen soon). Struggled a bit on the bike but definitely felt an improvement from last week. Hopefully I will be able to build this over the next couple of months. A lecture, multi-choice, practical and fixing my essay result later and I was on the bike again. Strong ride home, not gunning it but felt quite good.

Got home late due to my discussions involved in fixing my essay result so had to wolf down some sausages, silver beet and mashed potato. Was going to ride my bike again to Oztag but really felt like driving after the big day and luckily there was some petrol in the tank. Team had a win at Oztag. I played alright, didn't miss too many tags and made sure I rotated through the bench to ensure I didn't twang my hamstring again. Now prepping for some study and stretching to finish a near perfect day. Alpha and Out!

Off With His Hair

Another so-so week comes to a close but with a slight difference. Now I am taking control. Now I am empowered. Now I see the funny side. Now I always smiling. (sorry little of track with the Dark Knight quote) But still I really am just about on the verge of always smiling. I have made the conscious decision to take control. To stop being a victim, to stop feeling sorry for myself. For me it usually comes to a head when I finally shave my hair off. It is a sign I am taking control and getting prepared for some serious work.

I have scheduled my exercise sessions for the next two weeks. I am taking it slow to get back to it. A gentle re association to exercising. That means lots of dog walks, push ups, sit ups and cycling to work. This gentle approach will hopefully ease me into a pattern without pushing myself too hard. I intend to create a new schedule every two weeks as I successfully ramp it up to some full on endurance training and then bring back in weight baring exercise. Man I feel great with two hands on my life now. Alpha and Out!

Lets get ReStarted

I am still trying to pull myself out of limbo from the past month or more. With financial constraints restricting my use of the gym I am attempting to follow a "Back to Basics" routine.

I will aim to hit the following targets-

• Ride to work as many days as possible
• I will aim to do 150 push ups and 150 sit ups per night
• I will start to walk my dog at night in between study

With my grandparents going on holidays for a week I also have another dog to walk, which I will attempt to walk her in the morning. BY following these small but achievable goals I am slowly working my way back into good patterns and ever closer to my Alpha destination.

Pro...Cras...Tin...Ation

Thats right, with the re-commencement of University subject and an upcoming Essay due I again seem to meet up with my old friend....Procrastination. After having a late dinner at Dad's I travelled home fully intent on getting a draft up. I had had a really productive day until then too which was disappointing. I got home, made a cup of tea and head downstairs to my room. In the car ride home I was really pumped up about getting it done. I had some thoughts floating around my head of some of the bad things that I have copped, usually unfairly. But instead of dragging me done, I was in a fiery mood to prove them wrong.

"All it was, was a series of tests..."

" Imagine the look on their face when you see them again as the Alpha..."

"You have the potential to prove them wrong.."

These were some of the thoughts that were flowing through my head. But alas as soon as I got out of the car all that energy slipped out onto the side walk. I ended up saying.."I'll get up at 2am to do it..it'll be fine" But I woke at 3am and decided to remain in bed and watch TV. Was awake but had no drive. That early wake has now left me at work totally flat, mountains of work to do but nothing driving me.

We all have our Ups and Downs. It is about how we push the limits on the Up's and minimise the fall in the Downs. On a more positive note I managed to jump on my bike and rode to work today. It is the first time since I've been trying to ride to work every day that I have done it twice in a week. I can definitely feel things building again just in a little divot. Tomorrow will be a better day. Alpha and Out!

(image from http://aredbench.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/procrastination-cartoon.jpg)

Perking Up

The Dip on the weekend has somewhat plateaued out, but at a much higher spot than in recent weeks. I spent the morning consolidating my study for uni and finally feel back on top of it for the first time in weeks. Circumstances have clouded my brain for the last month and a half and it seems it is clearing, I am lining things up.

Jumped on the bike to uni this morning and boy it was like I was breathing fire. The mid morning heat and sun really took it out of me. At one point I felt like throwing up and I never feel like that even after the toughest rugby training session or the most gruelling triathlon I have never thrown up. The price I have to pay for my sedentary lifestyle over the past year. It kills me that I am the shape I am in but all I can do s accept it and push myself to improve it. The clouds are dissipating, the fogginess is fading and the blurriness is sharpening. Alpha and Out!

The Predictable Dip

After a fired up Thursday afternoon things have began to fade again almost as soon as I went to sleep Thursday night. Slept in on Friday, drove in when I wanted to ride and despite getting a lot done at work I did waste a fair bit of the afternoon doing nothing really productive Friday afternoon I suppose but was still frustrating. Was also particularly lethargic all Friday. In the end it seemed that I was just tired. I ended up crashing at about 8pm while trying to watch the footy. Probaly a good thing though, as I would have seen my Broncos slaughtered in NZ and then kicked out of the Top Eight by a tough Rabbitohs win. However I woke up about 12pm and couldn't get to sleep again until 430am. One of my favourtie childhood movies was on and kept me up till about 2am. It was DareDevil with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. I guess I have always sympathised with the lead superhero of DareDevil- a man who was turned blind by toxic waste and then his other senses were increased to superhuman levels. I like the way he turns his loss into a massive positive by helping the weak and seeking out justice. Also it shows much more the inner turmoil the superhero is suffering because of his choices. I guess I related with that even more last night.

Saturday was spent mainly sleeping and getting over being up into the early hours of the morning. However by late afternoon, the embers were again beginning to splutter to life. I did by calculating where I am and where I need to be regarding my GPA for medicine. After that I got stuck into some great study.

I realize my blog has somewhat drifted away from my journey to a superfit body and this is due to my current circumstances which I hope to rectify soon. I still think blogging my mental processes is a valid component of going from Awkward too Alpha. Once you can get the mental side right, everything should fall in place quite easily. I am not there yet but definately back on the right track. Alpha and Out!

Aint Never Gonna Keep Me Down

After weeks and weeks of seemingly mopping around letting my situation get me down and down into depths of despair something has finally snapped. Snapped for the positive that is. One of the things that I really despise in people is victimisation. Everyone is out to get them, the world is against them and so on and so forth. What really frustrates me even more is that a majority of people complain and complain but don't do anything different to try and change their circumstances. Today I realised that I had become one of those people, I believed I had no hope, I believed that everyone was after me, I was mopping around. I think this really lit a fuse which blew up this afternoon. It relit my fire.

I believe I was put on this earth to help people. I believe that I was put here for something great. The times I am going through now and the past year or so has done nothing but proved that too me. The greatest people are born from the hardest, fieriest and cruelest of conditions- Martin Luther King Jr, Ghandi, Nelson Mandela and many more. What I have to do now is take this awakening as a turning point and feed this rekindling of the embers into a full raging inferno. Fire it Up, Alpha and Out!

The Booze Ban

After a good but boozy weekend with mates I feel I need to place myself on a booze ban until I get my life back in order. I usually have a down day after a big night but with my current state it has extended for almost two days now. From today I will not drink until I get my mind in a much better space or I will get into a continuos down loop.

All in all though besides the booze it really was a great weekend with mates. It was good to just muck around with them, forget my troubles for a bit. Hopefully soon I will turn this blog around into a much more positive space but I am writing this truthfully and positive is unfortuneatly just not me at the moment. But just got to believe that things will turn around. Alpha and Out!

Refocusing

Went through my week last night in an attempt to really organise my life to keep the focus. I have organised my study sessions, my work time and even my relax time. I have usually organised my study but have rarely tried to adapt that approach to the rest of my life. My big problem however has been having the discipline to stick to my elaborate planning. Today I did follow my plan fairly close so far so overall pretty happy. I even managed to get up early, not the exact time I was after but still a lot earlier than I have been lately and I finally started on the front foot.

Things are unfortunately getting to that stage where I won't be able to afford a gym. While this is an annoying setback it is not lethal. I will just regain focus on body weight exercises and running and cycling. Dietary wise I will also need to make some sacrifices as I will have to through any diet to the wind and just focus on reducing portion sizes instead. Things might be tough but where there is a will there is way. I will get through this. Alpha and Out!

Time for the Re's

After a week of distractions my mind and life has been floating around like the clouds in the sky I need to get the 3 Re-'s into force.

REFOCUS- I need to get everything organised into sections both in the physical sense of creating a schedule to fit all my commitments in and also in mental sense so I can "turn on/off" different aspects better and smoother.

RE-ENERGISE- I need to start bringing in things to keep me energised and focused such as the gym, catching up with mates. I really need to bring in things that provide fun and relaxation or I will break down.

RE-MOTIVATE- I need to really get back to my core beliefs and really flesh out what I want in life and how I intend to achieve. When I am motivated I feel confident, on top of the world and unstoppable. Unfortunately things have clouded my internal drive lately and I need to find something that really empowers me.

I will make this my focus for this week and see how I feel at the end of the week. Alpha and Out!

Rays of Light

After a couple of average weeks I can finally feel the warmth of the first rays of light break through the darkness. I had a long day of work on a Public holiday but it was very productive and has left me feeling a lot better then I was yesterday. Soon I will be able to focus on getting my health back on track

Diet was average today but not too worried, Same with exercise. This week my shit's on pause, until I can get my teeth into some hard-ass training. Still pumped for the coming weeks just gotta let it simmer this week.

(pic from http://www.wunderground.com/blog/saxxy/comment.html?entrynum=3)